11 red flags to look out for during courtship.

Good day beautiful people

I hope that this post meets you well? This write up is WELL overdue and I know that I haven’t kept you up to date with my single journey for a while now, it’s simply because I’ve been super super busy, apologies for this. I have SO many ideas, visions, and dreams, which I desire to see come to fruition in a short space of time! I wanted to let you know that it’s been a while since I’ve deleted the dating apps which I was using, but that’s a story for another post… Today I want to remind my unmarried siblings in Christ not to settle for less than God’s best for your life concerning marriage. I believe that some of these principles can be applied to both males and females, but this post is specifically for the ladies. But brothers in Christ if you have any suggestions to add to this post, PLEASE leave a comment down below! Sisters you can do so too!

1. Little to no communication: I think that one of the fundamental aspects required in building a solid relationship other than God, is healthy COMMUNICATION!!! Due to the rapid advancement in communication systems, it’s not so difficult to converse with people across the world, let alone people within the same neighbourhood. It’s not complicated to check in on someone by sending out a quick text message. Without good conversation you will struggle to connect, and will not be able to get to know each other, even as friends. You cannot possibly ‘know’ a person without engaging with them!

2. They leave you feeling drained, down, or low: If you experience negative emotions within your mind after leaving someone’s presence, this could be a good reason to step away. Consistently being around a pessimistic person can negatively affect your mental health. If they’re unhappy with themselves you cannot rely on them to add elements of happiness to your life, it’d be wise to give them space to surrender to God for healing.

Proverbs 4:23 ~ “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.”

3. They don’t acknowledge or celebrate your success: There are individuals who you’ll come across in life who will play down your achievements, just to make themselves feel better. Stay away from such people, a man should rejoice whilst the lady He is pursuing is rejoicing.

Romans 12:15 ~ Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.

4. They’re intimidated by your growth: If you find that a person ALWAYS changes the subject whenever you discuss about your progress, and they exhibit seeds of jealously, AVOID THEM!

James 3:14-16 ~ “But if you are bitterly jealous and there is selfish ambition in your heart, don’t cover up the truth with boasting and lying. For jealousy and selfishness are not God’s kind of wisdom. Such things are earthly, unspiritual, and demonic. For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and evil of every kind.”

5. They’re stingy: First let me say that there is a difference between not having something to give, and choosing not to give! In life you’ll meet people that’ll record every penny which they lend to others. They hoard and never share. It’s important for us to remember that giving is a godly characteristic. But one is to give according to what they have, not what they don’t have.

Proverbs 11:26 ~ “People curse those who hoard their grain, but they bless the one who sells in time of need.”

Proverbs 23:6-7 ~ “Don’t eat with people who are stingy; don’t desire their delicacies. They are always thinking about how much it costs. “Eat and drink,” they say, but they don’t mean it.”

6. They pull you AWAY from God: They give every excuse under the sun as to why they can’t partake in spiritual activities. Or when discussing about faith matters arguments tend to erupt. As believers we shouldn’t entertain romantic relationships with unbelievers, yes you can be friends but trying to push for something more will quickly send you down a slippery slope towards backsliding. Don’t allow someone else to motivate you to sin.

2 Corinthians 6:14 ~ Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness?

7. They’re too busy to spend time with you: The statement that people make time for things and people they love is 100% true in my eyes. If you can’t physically meet up, one can still organise a WhatsApp video call, or Zoom meeting. If quality time is your love language, and the person you’re courting never has time for you, I’d highly advise you to pray concerning such a matter, and not expect someone to ‘change’ once they get married. All relationships have hurdles but if someone cannot be bothered to make any effort to spend a fraction of their time with you, it could mean that they’re not interested. I know it’s painful to hear but it’s far better to be with someone who values you and desires to spend time getting to know you. Even the bible encourages believers not to forsake fellowship with one another. Intimacy (closeness) is very important!

Hebrews 10:25 ~ “And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.”

8. They’re unable to define their relationship with you: If you’re left feeling unclear about where you stand with a male, this can be a potential red flag. It’s completely normal to take caution when getting to know someone, but it’s wise to be upfront about how you feel. One should avoid leaving another human being feeling confused by not DEFINING the relationship. A man should not make you feel like your his woman one day, and just a friend the next.

9. They don’t initiate: I thinks it’s nice when a man uses his initiative to organise meet ups. If you find yourself in a situation where you have to plan every single date, then this could be something to be concerned about. If everything seems to be one sided, take time out to reevaluate the situation. This could be a sign of lack of interest. A man should be able to take the lead in pursuing you. You don’t have to go on expensive dates, a man can simply ask you to go on a walk with him or plan a mini picnic. It’s the thought that counts.

10. They always say NO: I know that saying no is absolutely necessary at times, but when ALL of your ideas, suggestions, requests for help are shut down, something could be wrong. Everyone is entitled to say no, especially to inappropriate demands, but never helping someone when you have the power to do so is not godly. Even if one can’t practically help, they could still assist their loved one via other means (praying, and or brainstorming).

Proverbs 3:27 ~ Do not withhold good from those who deserve it when it’s in your power to help them.

11. A man who decides for the both of you without your consent: Individuals like this also tend to forcefully pressure one into marital commitment early on in the relationship. They could either have something to hide, or be afraid of losing you because you’re their only option at the time, amongst many other things. Be cautious and prayerful if you find yourself in such a relationship. Remember God has given us all freewill and another human should not try to take that away from you.

These are just my personal thoughts, they’re not setting stone. I understand that people have their off days, and could be fighting internal battles, which could result in them not being able to give their best. But I just want my sisters and brothers, to be able to identify unhealthy habits/patterns (a persons way of life, rather than a one off) that can bring about emotional destruction and heartbreak. Remember that relationships are not 50/50 (give to get), it’s about making sacrifices. One day your spouse may only be able to give you 10% and you’ll have to give 90% and vice versa. Stay hopeful, stay encouraged, and stay joyful.

Love and blessings from

Christian Lady After God’s Own Heart 💜