Good day beautiful people
I hope that this message meets you well? HAPPY NEW MONTH! Today I will be sharing one of my pet peeves with you, relating to relational matters. I’m sure that many of us single folks, have encountered times where after speaking to a believer, we actually end up feeling discouraged and deflated. Can anyone think of a biblical example where a person was left feeling degraded, after listening to comments made by friends? Well I can…. The life story of JOB. Honestly it must have been tough for Job to hear the very ones he relied upon, say ‘it’s because of your sin that you’re facing great hardships’! Basically it is all your fault.
Job 4:1-9 ~ “Then Eliphaz the Temanite replied to Job: “Will you be patient and let me say a word? For who could keep from speaking out? “In the past you have encouraged many people; you have strengthened those who were weak. Your words have supported those who were falling; you encouraged those with shaky knees. But now when trouble strikes, you lose heart. You are terrified when it touches you. Doesn’t your reverence for God give you confidence? Doesn’t your life of integrity give you hope? “Stop and think! Do the innocent die? When have the upright been destroyed? My experience shows that those who plant trouble and cultivate evil will harvest the same. A breath from God destroys them. They vanish in a blast of his anger.”
I believe that it’s very important to be quick to listen, and slow to speak as the bible says! Sometimes it’s best for us to stay quiet in certain situations. I also understand that some people may be unaware that their comments come across as offensive, and that words can affect people differently. Therefore this is my own personal perspective of what I believe, can come across as hurtful to a single Christian.
Proverbs 10:19 ~ Too much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth shut.
James 1:19 ~ Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.
1. You need to go out more: This statement indirectly says to an individual, that the reason that they’re still single is partially their own fault. (What they’re doing wrong is not going out). Now whilst this may be true, maybe ASK the person, ‘have you tried socialising outside of your usual network groups’, instead of making assumptions. It seems that some people think getting a spouse is as easy as going to the shop, and picking up a bottle of milk.
2. You’re too picky: Erm I’m not quite sure when having ‘GODLY’ standards became a bad thing. Ok, now rejecting a person because they’re 2 inches shorter than your ideal height, is what I’d call being picky. But desiring to do life with a person who shares the same values, principles (including spiritual), views, belief, and vision as you, is NOT being picky. This comment is also extremely offensive for people who haven’t been approached in the first place! We’re allowed to have preference, for God has given us freewill!
3. Just focus on God and you’ll forget about your singleness: I’m sorry but this is just not reality. It’s a lie. When we fast our brains don’t just switch off, and refuse to send hunger signals. I can’t just forget about my desire to marry, or switch of the natural human urge to procreate (the desire to be a mother). What I do believe is that we can surrender our desires to God, and only by His grace can we get through life on Earth.
4. Just online date: This is particularly annoying if an individual has clearly expressed, that this is NOT something they’re comfortable with.
I’m sure that there’s a lot more to add to the list, but these are just some of the main comments that tend to irritate my soul lol. But I must say that the way a person say’s something, plays a major role in the way the recipient receives a comment!
How to handle insensitive remarks.
1. Don’t respond rudely: Understand that some people are speaking from a place of love, and genuine concern. Love them back. Simply ask them to keep you in their prayers.
1 Corinthians 13:4-5 ~ Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud, or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.
2. When frustrated take time out: Speak with God or other trusted friends, so that you don’t explode! Don’t let anger control you.
Proverbs 19:11 ~ “Sensible people control their temper; they earn respect by overlooking wrongs.”
3. Seek God: Remember He hears your cry and sees your tears! Spend time in His presence, and strive to deepen your relationship with Him.
How married folk can help
1. Pray for your loved one: One thing which God desires for us believers to do, is to pray for others. And praying for your single loved one, is a good place to start.
2 Timothy 2:1 ~ “I urge you, first of all, to pray for all people. Ask God to help them; intercede on their behalf, and give thanks for them.”
2. Think before you speak: If you are asking questions you wouldn’t feel comfortable with answering yourself, you shouldn’t be asking such questions at all.
3. Helping practically: If you know of someone that you feel could connect with your single loved one, suggest an introduction, but also state that the ball is in their court! It shouldn’t be forced.
Well I hope everyone could take something away from today’s write up! Stay safe and God bless.
Christian Lady After God’s Own Heart